420 ftw
I could have mohawked her pubes.
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nah, I'm just going to keep fucking him until he realizes we're perfect for each other.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
the only joy I get out of her anymore is hitting on her friends and ignoring her. it's chaos for them. like shaking a slutty ant farm
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
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