So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Apologies for hacking your facebook and posting that picture of you passed out hooked up to the IV...but we were sat with you on the ER floor for 3 hours, it got boring
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Last night I dressed up as a cowgirl and walked into McDonald's. I bought 20 mcribs. There's pictures
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
What do I do with all this pork broth? I can't waste it.
CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG CHUG
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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