SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
Lol i'z typing this with my 962 nose
962=my?
Yeah.i
If your still trying to figure out the moment I stopped caring; it was the point in which you said "I really wasn't sure whose baby it was"
ra ra ra ah ah
wtf?
sexting lady gaga style
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
My mom and I were trying to explain to my sister what an uncircumcised penis looks like. We had some minor disagreements.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
I walked into his room and he was naked with a half eaten pecan pie and a bottle of wine.
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Upon further investigation it turns out it wasn't blood, but chocolate frosting from the cupcake I shoved in my pocket to "save for later"
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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