I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
giving a 30 min presentation still drunk is like giving birth, upside down in a pit of snakes while being on fire.
I might have a beer. Just to keep this hangover on its toes.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
We don't know where he is but he left his pants and what appears to be a tooth here so he's gotta come back sometime
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
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