turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Is her birthday actually on cinco de mayo? That makes so much sense
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
We have had more Sex in the past 48 hours then we have in the past 3 months. I think it was from me dressing up as Darth Vader.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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