I have had sex with more partners than how old he is.
Considering the face that your still in jail Im gunna go with no.
He won't ever take me seriously if I keep getting drunk and hooking up with all his friends.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
All I want is a camelback full of Jameson and the weather to be cool enough for me to wear rainbow spandex. Ugh. Pride problems.
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
Walking around as slutty Ron Swanson is amazing
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
