She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
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I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
It was like a Thanksgiving meal, which you spend 8 hours cooking, and the family wolfs down in 20 minutes. All that flirting and build-up for like 90 seconds of pumping and he was gone in a flash, never to be heard from again.
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
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Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
i just teared up watching channing tatum in drag emerge from the fog on lip sync battle. it's gotta be PMS. either that or something is realllllly wrong with me.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
we're so committed to being not committed
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
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