she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
The only thing that would make my night better is if William Shatner came and read me a bedtime story.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
I am now "wine pairing" tums flavors with my strongbow, because apparently hard cider gives me heartburn.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
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