is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
So, I picked up my 7 ft tall lamp post and used it to close my door. I feel quite accomplished.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
After I finished inserting the catheter he said he thought my name was familiar. Didn't have the nerve to tell him he was my fifth grade teacher.
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
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