I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I just found a list in your handwriting titled "Places I've Peed." The National Mall and 'under the second bridge after the bend in the road' are two of the tamer entries. I tip my hat.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
i swear i was one second from getting his number and then the shrooms kicked in
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Randomize
