Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
YOUR STATE IS STUPID
Did you miss a turn again?
WHAT FUCKING IDIOT DECIDED TO DESIGN AN ENTIRE FUCKING STATE WHERE YOU CAN'T MAKE A FUCKING LEFT TURN?!? FUCK NEW JERSEY
Oh btw, ur tongue should count as a second cock it's that good
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