Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
Is a Chipotle burrito an acceptable "sorry I ran over your cat" gift?
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
You wouldn't be the first friend to shit himself in the last 7 days
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to shower first, I forgot I peed on my feet last night...
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
My sinuses still burn from snorting red wine last night.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
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