he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
I literally just biked home like I was on the last leg about to win the tour du France. Fuck diarrhea
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
she has that "i will punish you like your mom did" vibe, i think guys like that.
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
it's 1:30pm and i'm eating cheese while i sext. i need hobbies
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
ready for a night of bad decisions, horrible moral standards, and an unhealthy amount of illegal substances.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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