Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
I left a cheeto on everyone's car trailing to the house i'm at, hanzel and gretel style.
she told me i tasted like america
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
I made her cum... she sounded like Ray Romano
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Randomize
