thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
Boobs speak an international language.
I promised him we could have sex if he would let me take him to the hospital to get stitches.
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
Randomize
