Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
You know what's worse than asking for the morning after pill? Asking for the morning after pill in a sketchy hospital in a foreign country where no one speaks English.
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I wore home his HoHoHo boxers. I've never felt such a connection to an article of clothing.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
