Just pulled an upper-decker at a hardware store. I believe I'm winning 8-2. It's obvious you don't shit enough in public.
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
Is it really road head if took place on kayaks in the river?
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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