Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Things to remember: Girls don't appreciate it when you yell "Beast Mode!" when switching to doggy style.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I found bruises on my neck from barfing out the window.
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
All I found in my purse this morning was 160 cigarettes and a fistful of confetti.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize