Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Did you call me this morning? I was really drugged up and don't remember.
Have a good day. My vagina shrank.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
I know I'm her Sunday school teacher. I just feel I would be saving others from a lot of headaches by telling her someday she's going to be a stripper
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
You shouldn't do laundry high cus pink.
You go to bars with sophisticated older men, I steal lawn ornaments. Priorities
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
He puked all over the side of the car and the head rest behind him...and then all he said was "America."
Randomize
