I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
Puked in a plastic neiman Marcus bag while driving. My biggest accomplishment yet
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
At what point in your drunken state would you actually believe that the cops wanted to party with you?
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
Randomize
