mom took my condoms, found one in the trash the next day
I know she was great
I just ran from Santa Claus in Kroger
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
She literally just cut half her hair off because she's tired of asking someone to hold it back when shes drunk and puking.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
'TWAS BUT A GLORIOUS SIGHT. BITCHES.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I literally blew him under my face mask. Not because I thought it'd protect me from COVID, but because I wanted to prove to myself that I could.
Randomize
