Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
Passed out on a playground for a while before trying to break into the elementary school. Erica thought her captain tasted like cat food, so she poured her bottle into her cat's dish and proceeded to eat it like cereal.
You win. Erica always eats cat food.
because you can't take the autistic girl you're babysitting on a blunt ride.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Randomize
