I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
i wonder what barack obama's brickbreaker high score is...
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
yyyea i think im gonna go get a bowl and play skyrim. And by bowl i mean something i can throw up in, not weed
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I will never use my dick in anger. With great dick comes great responsibility
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
