Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
I'm wearing men's underwear
I don't know what to do with that information...
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