i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Either I spilled whiskey on my boobs last night or they are fermenting. Not concerned in the slightest
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
Yeah well I just had an orgasm on my bathroom floor so there's a first for everything I guess
FYI brushing your teeth & taking off your makeup does not erase the shame from the night before
Randomize
