I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
I agree and I would be an awesome dog
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I couldn't break up with him while I was wearing a Hakuna Matata shirt.
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Randomize
