dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
He showed up at my front door with Plan B and a rose...
He woke me up holding a gallon of apple juice and a shot glass...
I know you're having a really bad day and I'm a little to blame for that and I'm sorry. To make your day go better just try to imagine what people's fuck faces look like.
Randomize
