yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I masterbate to the thought of you. You totally aren't just a booty call.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
One day I'll learn not to get drunk on a plane. Today is not that day.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
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