I spent a large portion of the night trying unsuccessfully to keep hayley (who was wearing a dress and no underwear) from doing handstands, but yea it was fun. the boys had fun
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
A dude I dated in high school just put a status about National Coming Out day. I checked his relationship status. He is dating a dude. Hello, Friday.
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
There they were doing the deed on the beach, looked like two seagulls fighting over a chicken bone.
We almost got stabbed in the nuts last night. Don't worry, we're alright.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
Randomize
