Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just smoked a bowl while riding a horse. This has been a productive vacation.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Id like to know where dora the explorers parents are when she goes on all these crazy ass adventures
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have three different pairs of earrings at three different houses including your 16 year old brothers nightstand. Look at my life. Look at my choices
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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