I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
...She was shooting whiskey using a turkey baster...i was horrified.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
Randomize
