your thong is hanging out like whoa
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
mowing the lawn. still drunk. If my dad doesn't appreciate this I swear I'm dissowning everyone including him
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Just yelled out loud for someone to buy me a drink, 30 seconds later random guy on grindr asks what I'm drinking.
There's a 98% chance your drink will taste like rohypnol
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
THERE IS A VERY SMALL CHILD YELLING OUTSIDE OF MY DOOR. THE NEXT TIME YOU TELL ME YOUR TOO BIG FOR A CONDOM I'M GOING TO PUNCH YOU IN THE DICK.
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
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