I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
whatever buzz i had immediately ended when i saw her run through a sliding glass door
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
I think I'm too tall to 69 successfully.
I think I might cry.
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
She started snoring post sex, so I drunkenly walked 8 miles at 4am to go fishing. Please come pick me up
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
Randomize
