I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Watching Faye Reagan porn all weekend for St Patty's day. Nothing has ever seemed more appropriate.
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
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