you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I just need like a magic vacuum to suck everything out of me and then an IV to put good stuff back in
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Randomize
