The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
my new ipod has external speakers and a video camera...all i can think about is how much more convenient it would be for me to make a pretty decent sex tape
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
can anyone on this campus do anything sober?
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
He grabbed my tits and sang "you are so beautiful" to them before faceplanting into my chest
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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