I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
This guy told us that for a dollar and two cigarettes he'd let Megan stomp on his crotch. We were gonna refuse, but we figured someone had to keep him from passing his stupid genes along.
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
he had a dikembe mutombo jersey on, was swatting peoples drinks out of their hand and wagging his finger in their face everytime he did it.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
I still can't believe he turned down that threesome with us in central park. He must be really committed.
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
Randomize
