My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I got a blowjob dressed with a t shirt sweatpants and a Fanny pack. Not kidding.
Nothing says besties like laying naked in bed hungover arguing over who is getting the pants
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
idk he wanted to trade sex for a triple order of hashbrowns
AND YOU SAID NO?????????
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