i just won a 100 dollar gift card to walmart in a karaoke contest...i love kentucky
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
James and whatshisface bought me drunks. I am drinks.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
An open call to all exes! i have a drunk text policy that requires i delete any and all texts after drink 3, however i have reason to believe i have done something stupid. if i have texted you that "I love you", "miss you" and/or conveyed any interest in getting back together with you in the last 24 hours i was belligerent and lying. That is all.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
How do u even exfoliate your vagina
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
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