allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
Did I let your boyfriend smear a banana into my face last night? Because I have pictures that are telling me I did....
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
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