Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You know you had a bad blackout when you forget you held the stanley cup.
We need to stop sleeping with people based on which NFL team they like.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
so the good news is that i can't possibly burn my eyelashes off tonight at the bbq.
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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