eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
This guy legit just tried to LSAT formal logic his way into my pants. Contrapositives and everything.
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
I liked a picture of him with his pants around his ankles, if that doesn't say I'm into you, I don't know what does.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
