She made me repeat after her: "I take responsibility for what I put in my own mouth."
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I reek of vagina.. My cab driver commented.
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Randomize
