the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
I don't think it's ever a good night if I'm this hung over and I didn't even get an orgasm out of the deal...
Science requires me to take a picture of your nipples.
I thought the first time I got peed on it would be by a baby...
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
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