I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
If I had to summarise my weekend I would do so using the words "horrifying romanian moonshine"
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
You know, part of me wants to die and the other part of me doesn't want to live
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
