she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
Is it wrong that I didn't stop masterbating when the credit card company called?
did you answer or finish?
both
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Oh so it was one of those "I shouldn't have gotten in a cab with a random 21 year old girl" kinda nights.
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
On a better note: I'm on pace for 730 female produced orgasms in 2013.
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
Tequila. The ruiner of all good intentions.
Randomize
