You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
You claimed your dick was a divining rod, spun in a circle 3 times and walked into the bar you stopped in front of...consequently there was a bikini shoot going on
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Used my power pack to charge my vibrator so I didn't have to unplug my switch or my galaxy lamp. TECHNOLOGY!
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