is that paris hilton dressed up as the guy from star trek who hosts reading rainbow
What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
well.. I tried flushing my sandals down the toilet
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
There is a hatefuck that has the destruction level of an atom bomb raging through my viens just aching to vaporize her.
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
she hand cuffed me to the bed naked, jumped off the dresser naked, hit her head on the fan and knocked herself out. when her mom came home i had to call her for help, she could have died man...
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
They say you need two forms of ID, but in reality 1 nice set of tits works every time
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