I looked at my own cervix.
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
My parents got me a bottle of vodka and a puke bucket for christmas. I've already used both.
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
