your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
I did not get laid last night bc my condoms were too small. I'm allowed to be dreary
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Is it sad that the most attractive guy I've come across in a week that's not my professor is the man doing my pedicure?
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
