I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
So awkward... The newspaper lady just caught me sitting stoned in my driveway at 5 am and asked if I was okay. I'm way better than ok right now
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
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