please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
Ryab! Make hr wtop. Mshe make sme speee. I don want to pee. I want sev. He was so igbad. Redpo.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
Sorry I forced you to take an adderall at 1am and then proceeded to dance to Lose Yourself outside of Qdoba.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
