Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
He used his one phone call to tell me not to let anyone drink all his vodka until he could bail himself out.
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
Do you know how disconcerting it is to hear the sound a dog makes while it drinks water and find out that it's someone eating you out?
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
gonna stay in tonight
and im a platypus. shotgun a beer and get your dick to this party. ive got some hot friends visiting
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
