Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
I cant watch the real world now after jersey shore. its like trying to go back to vagina once uve had anal
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
You know your high, when your chugging applesauce out of the jar with no utensils.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
We smell like vodka and hangover
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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