You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
But it was well worth it to see a man fly through the air in a beaver costume...
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
He made me cum 4 times, we high fived afterwards and then I proceeded to tell him about this guy I'm dating whilst I made him a bacon sandwich. I think we've finally mastered being friends with benefits.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
It took 6 cruisers to bust the party last night. Cop asked if the theme was a beach party. I said I would fucking hope so with 8 tons of sand in the garage
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
No dude 10 parakeets in your bedroom is 9 parakeets too many. Bring them back. Today!
Come over. Bring drugs. My sister is making cookies. She took Valium. They should be badass cookies.
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