Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I don't care how hungover you are were not listening to enya
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
I don't like getting sloppy drunk but I don't like getting just half drunk either, I'm way too responsible if my blood alcohol level is below 0.2
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I woke up wearing nothing but my red thigh high socks and a blue wig. I have no idea what happened.
Randomize
