I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
She said she'll drive over, bang, and then head home. It's like ordering a pizza.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He had a small dick anyway. I'm glad I barfed on it.
Are you feeling better yet?
I need a nap and a new butthole
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
i looked at my texts in the morning and saw that i had a full conversation with myself via text thinking it was someone else. i rejected myself
Randomize
