I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
Remember when we were trying to guess how many people could fit in my shower? The answer is 7
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I sincerely hope you find your fuck buddy and have a wonderful night of champagne and whores
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Randomize
