Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
Her roommate texted her and told her that her cat died. Now she's double-fisting bottles of wine while howling and wailing her dead cat's name. Not how I pictured this booty call.
I'm currently looking on facebook to see how slutty the girls from my kindergarden class are now. I have a problem.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I'm not in the business of asking people about their lizard
I meant his actual lizard not his manhood
Please come check out theses cougars grinding on a pole. I feel like they're showing us up and we need a duel stat
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
