So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
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