bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
My mom just said we needed to put weed into our earthquake kit.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Randomize
