I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
god, you should never be in the FBI. you'd give away america's secrets to any boy who asked.
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
they were fucking between cars in the parking lot and everyone was cheering at them.
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
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