I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
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