yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I just tried to sell my homemade "lightning bolt stencil for pubes" on Etsy.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
There's mini weenies and empanadas everywhere...
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
