Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
I think I may have appendicitis, but the house is like two blocks from the hospital so I'm just gonna go and drink anyway.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
I forgot a room to the key..so whenever you wake ip and read this...I'm sleeping inthe hallway..please find me
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
We had a pink drink in honor of my underwear and apparently I made out with our bartender... a few times
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
