I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I can't believe I'm wasting this thong on a guy in a sweater vest.
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Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
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I remember just enough about last night to wish I didn't remember anything.
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
On another note, I almost lost one side of my fake butt. Dancing the wobble with the fake butt isn't recommend.
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate