Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
THE BIG GAY MAD HATTER IS HERE AND HE HAS DRUGS IN HIS PANTS FOR YOU. COME DOWNSTAIRS BITCHEZZZZ
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Found the puke drawer
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
I guess I'm just gonna have to learn to live with the fact that I'm the guy who takes his pants off at the party and tries to start an orgy
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.