I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Some drunk couple just made out on the sidewalk and it reminded me some sweet moments we have shared...
im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
is there a line between daddy kink and oedipus complex?
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
You were trust falling into bushes