the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
I think you blew it when you asked her "Do you look good naked too, Or is it just the bra?"
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray