If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
there hasn't been a girl guy ratio this good since a guy jumped on one of the Titanic life rafts
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I puked right in front of him after winning beer olympics and he still hooked up with me. My life is so easy.
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
The guy I hooked up with two weeks ago just friended me on Venmo, I honestly won't be mad if he pays me for the sex
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
