I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
you started introducing us as kentucky and gentlemen
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I've been back for one day and I've already given two bjs. Improvement from last year.
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He was doing dishes, naked. I dropped to my knees and gave him head. Teamwork level- pro..
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
