we were taking shots of hot tequila, which is even worse than it sounds
Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
By midnight I was dipping doritos in frosting...that's how my simmer break diet is going.
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
I know it's super late on a work night, but can you drop by and bend me over my new motorcycle? I have tequila and tacos...
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