Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
four guys that i have slept with have come into my job today. FOUR. i feel like it's like bring your sex partners to work day.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I have to be more responsible. I've dropped three lighters into my bong today.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
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