Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
Pretty sure I just slept with Elmo.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
Nothing quite like pre-gaming the Kentucky Derby with adderall and adderall. I'm fairly confident I could outrun all of these fucking horses in a foot race right now.
Youre not supposed to get arrested if your parents fly you home for christmas!
True but this has the bonus of them maybe not wanting to fly me home next year, im good with that didnt wanna go in the first place.
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
If anyone remembers any details of tonight please address concerns to my lawyer. This is a mass text.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
I HAVENT SEEN A PENIS IN 5 WEEKS I REFUSE TO REMAIN CALM
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
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