We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
New Halloween costume idea: Frankenstorm. We have three hours. Make it work.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
Randomize
