so ur a construction worker, male escort, sex god and surfer? lol
well its been awhile since I've surfed
That's intense
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
I got the job! The hiring manager is the sister of a guy I slept with so its like I'm a real adult now
So after the absinthe shots_____(fill in the blank area for me please)......
Randomize
