Goodbye hot boy in my geo class...goodbye my lover, goodbye my friend. you have been the one, you have been the reason I came to claassss
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
he told me he didn't know whether he was gonna puke, pass out, or cum. i don't know if i should be flattered or offended.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Randomize
